http://www.teamdead.net/gentoo/e-shrooms/

My friend audra came across this intense visualizer today during classs...Check it outtttt

I finally saw him at the end of may. It was weird. Emily and I met Rachel and him at the Tenafly diner for a late night snack. After not talking to him or seeing him for almost 4 months. It was so strange to see the boy I used to love. When I looked at him, and heard his voice, I remembered how I used to be. How I used to be so intrigued by him, but now all I saw was a dumb dark haired guy with thick rimmed glasses. Someone not as special as I sought him out to be. At the table we made eye contact a few times, but each time we both quickly looked away. I could tell he was looking at me in a different way, but I still cant pinpoint what his look was about. When it was time to pay for the food, we all got up and I gave Emily my money and walked quickly outside to wait on the steps for everyone.

He followed me soon after.  He walked down the stairs and into my arms and we just hugged. We both missed each other, because after all he was by best friend.

AND from that point on it all started again……back to my life with him in it. Started out slow. We exchanged texts a few times. Then as he and I both started hanging out with Rachel separately, we just eventually all started hanging out like old times. Disregarding his and I’s former romance, it was like we instantly became best friends again. All that stuff I said before about looking at him differently and seeing that he was not as great as I thought he was, well, that soon faded and I was falling in love again.

By mid june we were hanging out alone like we always used too. I could tell there was some sort of tension between us still, I was hoping for it to be sexual tension, but he never came around.

One night in may, it was actually a few days later, the second time I had seen him. He was at his friend, SJ’s house in Palisades park. Rachel and I met him there at SJ's house where they were drinking and listening to music. When we got there, we started drinking, then we went and sat outside cuz it was a perfect summer night. Rachel and SJ all of a sudden start hooking up and left him and me…Mind you, we have yet to speak about our break up and how we feel. We started talking and it seemed like Kevin’s only complaint was the fact that I went to his school during our break and I didn’t tell him, and I was hanging out with other people from his school. He said I should have told him I was there, I said no, I was trying to get over you why would I call you to hang out! I told him it was extremely hard for me to not contact him everyday, and I think he understood.  Then I don’t exactly remember how our conversation escalated but I started crying and I told him that I kind of would like to get back together even though I didn’t mean it, because it was the alcohol talking at this point. He said “ I can’t do this right now, I’m unsure of myself.” We hugged and I said "I miss your lips." I wanted to kiss him so badly but he didn’t give me the opportunity. After this moment our friendship grew over the entire summer. Kevin and Rachel became my two best friends over the summer. I’d have to say it was my best/worst summer of my life so far.

I spent many nights at his beach house. We would lay on my bed in the front room while every one was asleep and play this game where we would draw things with our eyes shut and guess what the other person drew. It was fun but I wanted him so badly at this point again. It was like having piece of food you’ve been craving for so long be dangled in front of your eyes constantly and not being able to have the satisfaction of tasting that food. That’s how I felt, and that’s how I still feel.